Fill a large pot with water and add a big pinch of salt for flavor. Boil the pasta according to the package directions until it is soft but still firm.

Place the chopped bacon pieces in a large skillet over a medium-high heat. Fry them until they are very crispy and have released their smoky and savory fat.

Remove the bacon but keep the fat in the pan for the best flavor. Add the chicken cubes and cook until they are golden brown and fully cooked through.

Push the chicken to the side and add the minced garlic to the center. Sauté for just thirty seconds so the garlic becomes fragrant without burning or turning bitter.

Pour the cooked pasta into a colander and shake off all the excess hot water. Do not rinse the pasta because the starch helps the ranch sauce stick better.

Lower the heat and pour the ranch dressing and whole milk into the skillet. Stir gently with your wooden spoon to combine the sauce with the warm chicken and garlic.

Sprinkle the shredded cheddar cheese into the skillet and keep stirring until it melts. You want a very thick and gooey sauce that coats every single piece of chicken.

Add the cooked noodles and the crispy bacon bits into the cheesy ranch mixture. Toss everything together until every shell or noodle is completely covered in the creamy sauce.

Add the black pepper and dried parsley to the pan for an extra layer of flavor. Let the pasta simmer for two minutes so the noodles can absorb the savory ranch taste.

Turn off the heat and sprinkle the fresh green onions over the top of the dish. Serve the pasta in deep bowls while it is still hot and very cheesy.